What is a Tragedy?

Is G's life a tragedy?

His story is one of abuse as a young child by the very people who should've protected him. Of painful years of being mocked and not having friends. Of medical issues long before his heart problems- a painful pilonidal cyst surgery that had him bedridden as a senior in college - electrical storms of his heart, gallbladder surgery, ablations of his heart, a defibrillator and pacemaker, an unnecessary open heart surgery and more. Of a heart transplant at age 25! Of kidney problems and lung problems and side effects from medications. Of being suicidal as a teen and in his early 30s. Of struggle with anxiety and depression, chronic pain and being misunderstood. A broken family. A broken body. A broken heart.

If life is about health, success, longevity, possessions, or fitness - G's life is a tragedy indeed. He met the love of his life (me!) at age 18, started dating her at 19, proposed at 21, nearly died at 21, married at 22, diagnosed with one year to live at 24 and had his transplant at 25.

The transplant changed everything. It changed G. As I look back at pictures from before the transplant I can't believe how young and carefree and in love we were. We are just radiating love for each other. Passion for each other. Excitement about life.

Chronic illness changed a lot. Chronic pain, terrible news from doctors over and over again, heaps of stress, constantly complicating health conditions. It stole some of that life from us. We were not carefree - we couldn't be. We loved each other immensely but our love was tested through fire. The spark was gone for years but the steadiness of having endured was there in spades.

He finally had a son (the light of his life) at age 28 and would ultimately die before his son's 7th birthday.

If life is about health, success, longevity, possessions, or watching your kids grow up - G's life is a tragedy indeed.

But life is about eternity. Life isn't about life now, it's about life then. In our late teens and early 20s we seemed to have everything. But we didn't have faith that had been refined by the fire. We had love, and hopes and dreams and faith. But suffering brought eternal hope, a seriousness about life and death, an urgency about the gospel. It changed us. It made G more patient, more kind, more compassionate. His fiery temper softened. His cynical nature softened. His love for me was no longer an idol. His only hope was in God.

I think G's life is a victory. He endured to the end. Jesus held him in the palm of His hand. He was used to make an impact on countless lives. He loved his wife faithfully. He was fully devoted to his family. He raised up students to become followers of Jesus. He challenged all of us to remember that this life is a vapor. And even after his death, his story will continue to impact people.

I wish he was here. Oh how I wish he was here. But not in the state that he was. Not so physically broken that he was out of breath crossing our living room. No, I want him here restored. Whole. Well. Free.

And so I guess what I want is to see him now. In Heaven. With the Lord. With his faith now sight. Having heard "well done good and faithful servant".

I'm not sure that we will kiss in Heaven but if we do I am going to give him the biggest sloppiest kiss ever. I MISS HIM. I long for him. My arms ache to hug him in the way that I loved and that fit like puzzle pieces. I wish I could give him "100 keesh" or celebrate a "We Love Daddy Day" or see him and P in matching t-shirts. I wish I could hold his hand. Hear him pray. Pick up his dirty socks.

I love you sweetie. I miss you immensely. <3 me