Skiing

We went skiing today at the slope in my hometown. I haven't been since I was in middle school and it was P's first time.

This was something we wouldn't have done when G was living. It would cost too much money and it would take too much time away from him. He wouldn't have been able to go. We wouldn't have spent $160 on something without him. He didn't do well when he was home for long amounts of time by himself.

When we were younger, before his transplant, we used to do a lot together. Bike rides, hikes, camping, horseback riding, ice skating, long walks, road trips, adventures, scavenger hunts, and more.

Over the years, he dealt with fear of having an electrical storm and getting shocked. Then it was fear of getting his heart rate too high too fast for his transplanted heart. Then it was fear of being out of breath. And so much anxiety.

Never could we/ would we have gone skiing.

On the slopes today I was thinking that skiing today was a gift from G in a way. We have financial provision from a fundraiser that was set up for us after his death that allowed me to spend a lot of money to give our son this experience. G wanted P to have experiences and was worried about holding him back. And it was also a little gift that comes out of our tremendous loss - the ability to be care free for 5 hours and have a fun, new experience.

A lot of life feels like drudgery and difficulty and weighty hardship right now.

Those hours on the slopes felt like fresh air and life and freedom.

It was good for me to be reminded that life can be fun.