One Year Ago

One year ago, I could never have imagined what this next week would bring. One year ago was a normal Saturday. Sure, one affected by G feeling increasingly worse and that nagging worry that we weren't doing enough to get him help. But it also was strangely normal.

His brothers came over to watch a movie that G wanted to watch with them so badly. To his great disappointment, it hadn't been released yet on iTunes. So instead, they hang out and laughed and told stories and were just ridiculous together as they always were. Plans were made to try again the next weekend.

Other than that I can't remember much about that day because I didn't know that it would be an important day. One week before he died. I could never have imagined that.

I do remember the next day - Sunday. There was a Steelers game on that night and everyone came over. UN, AA, UT and ME. We hadn't seen ME since Halloween weekend because she had been quarantining at home in PA and waiting to be safe to be in our home.

It was an unseasonably warm and sunny day. G was so cold all the time at that point, be in the mid-afternoon, he walked outside and visited with everyone. He stood in this patch of sunlight and just soaked in the warmth for a few minutes. Such a G thing to be able to appreciate the beauty of a moment, the little graces, the gift of warmth from the sun. I took a picture from inside the house of him standing and soaking up the sun with UN. P was busy making his "Simple Salad" for everyone and delivering it to them outside. It was these cute little salads in plastic cups that had spinach and shredded carrot, cucumber and canned corn. He was so proud of his first recipe at age 6 and of course everyone made a big deal about it!

The sun stoped peeking through the clouds and G got chilled and came inside. I know UN and AA made chili for us all and I had made homemade bread. At some point, G, UN and UT stood together in the kitchen gobbling up the bread while P and us ladies had our backs turned. They joked about that a lot afterward. We didn't have enough chairs at dinner and G ate at the ottoman. He was uncomfortable sitting anyway. He hated the chili and barely ate it. I think UN may have gone and sat with him? I think P might have too? It's fuzzy in my mind.

I do know that after dinner, G needed a break. The aunts and uncles took P outside to run around a bit in the dark and G laid on the floor and napped and I rested near him on the couch. He was so worn out. I covered him with blankets because he was so cold.

That evening we watched the Steelers game together with G in his new jersey that was an early Christmas gift from UT. P got ready for bed and watched the first half of the game before I tucked him in to bed. G was cracking jokes and everyone had a lot of fun. But it was a work day the next day so everyone except for UN left before the game ended and I went to bed. They finished out the game together and UN stayed to make sure G was able to get up the stairs okay.

It was the last Steelers game. Our last big family picture. Our last Saturday night that G would come to bed and lay down beside me. One week later, he would die in our home and be taken out on a stretcher. I would go to bed alone at 3 in the morning, shell shocked. Just completely shell shocked.

The days to come would be tough. G's decline. P's relentless energy. A snow storm. Frantic conversation and emails between me and G's brothers trying to figure out if we needed to call hospice. New medications and no relief. And in all of this - no clue what was coming. Absolutely no clue.