Normal

I think the most comforting words I've heard in this whole process is that what I'm experiencing is normal.

Grief is unlike anything else. What's okay to experience in grief would be huge red flags in a normal situation. And it can make you feel like you are crazy.

Every resource I've read has said that there is no on right way to grieve. Those stages of grief we've all heard of at some point? Kind of a myth because you go through them not in order but like a ball in a pinball machine - bouncing from one to the next. Anger, sorrow, numbness, denial, depression, happiness - bounce, bounce, bounce.

Hearing that there's no right way doesn't comfort me at all. Telling me that what I'm experiencing is normal is a huge relief.

Flash backs are normal.

Obsessive thoughts are normal.

Numbness that lasts way longer than you'd expect is normal.

Crying over seemingly tiny things in normal.

Total physical exhaustion is normal.

Dreams of your loved one are normal.

Increased fear and anxiety is normal.

Regrets are normal.

Laughter is normal.

Endlessly trying to remember details of your loved one is normal.

Wanting to live in the past, and even romanticizing it is normal.

Feeling isolated is normal.

Feeling overwhelmed is normal.

Looking okay to outsiders is normal.

Insensitive comments are normal.

Wanting to avoid friends is normal.

Dreading holidays is normal.

Spending a lot of time at a graveyard is normal.

Not being able to eat is normal.

Eating too much is normal.

Having trouble focusing is normal.

Losing interest in other activities is normal.

Thinking about death a lot is normal.

Struggling in your faith in God is normal.

Crying is normal and so is not crying.

Not moving your loved ones belongings is normal.

Wanting to talk about your loved one is normal.

Feeling guilty for grieving is normal.

Feeling like you are disappointing people is normal.

Having a hard time feeling compassionate when other people have minor problems is normal.

Not wanting to leave home is normal.

Needing to leave home is normal.

Waiting for your loved one to come back is normal.

Not wanting to move forward in life without your loved one is normal.

Crying with strangers is normal.

Resenting gifts is normal.

Grief is normal.

What's not normal is "getting over it", "moving on", slapping a Bible verse on about God's sovereignty as if that somehow takes away the pain of loss.

I'm so thankful for my counselor and my grief counselor and my son's trauma counselor who are all telling me the same thing. We are normal. Grief normal.