No Wrong Road?

We tend to obsess over finding God's will for our lives.

I see this all the time in the college students that I work with. One season is ending and they are headed out into the unknown. They are making choices that will have life-long consequences: who to marry, where to move, what jobs to apply for. It is scary and hard and all they want is clear direction - a fool-proof plan that will skip pain. They want to know God's will - where is God leading them? What should they do? Is there a path that guarantees they won't have to learn life's lessons the hard way? Is there a way to avoid failure, heart break and regret?

Well here I am. On the cusp of my late 30s and facing the same questions I had 20 years ago. What is God's will for my life? What am I supposed to do? What is the answer that skips the disappointment and heart break and hardships that come from circumstances gone wrong? Is there a choice that will guarantee stability and peace?

As I processed some of the roads in front of me this morning with my mentor P, I was able to step back for a moment and realize that all of the paths in front of me might be good. I'm not looking at anything that is intrinisically bad. No plans to become a stripper. No plans to rush into a relationship with a bad dude. Not going to get a face tattoo, squander all our savings, or leave P. Nothing of the sort.

In fact, the roads in front of me seem to be good. Lean into my blossoming relationship with HW and see where it leads. He's a good guy, who loves God and is stable, and is a good dad. Lean into my ministry here in this place - invest in girls and the gospel. Help mentor younger staff. Lean into my grief and my healing. Maybe take some courses. Maybe move towards a road of counseling or grief training or leading groups for widows. Lean into missions. Leave the country. Go somewhere else and take P with me. Move to be closer with family. Stay here to set up my own new life on my own.

None of these are bad in of themselves. In fact, I wonder if God is putting many good options in front of me. Maybe he is less concerned with the road I take than he is with if I will walk with him on that road. Maybe he can equally work in my life and through my life in all of these situations, if only a yield to him. Maybe each road will require sacrifice, trusting Jesus, leaning in to hard places and being stretched beyond what I think I can handle. Maybe I will desperately need Jesus no matter what I choose- in different ways but desperate no matter what.

Maybe there's an element here of me leaping. Slowly. A slow leap. A tentative step. But trusting him nonetheless. Maybe I just need to be willing to be used. To pour out my life for his purposes. To love him and the people he surrounds me with. To be bold instead of cower in fear. To take his word and apply it in real ways to my life. To submit myself to him and his plans.

Maybe I don't need a map that tells me where to go. Maybe I ust ned his presence with me no matter where I go.

As I follow the breadcrumbs and hold tight to his hand, he will work his will in my heart and in my life.

And maybe he will even bring joy. Love. Healing. Hope. Peace. Contentment and Rest. Maybe I will get less of me and more of him no matter which road I travel down.