How to Help a Grieving Friend

A friend of mine recently asked how she could help her dear friend whose husband died unexpectedly. It's hard for me to remember much about those early days of grief. But I do remember some things that helped a lot.

Ways my friends cared for me that helped:

• Reached out and kept reaching out and let me know there was no expectation to respond. Just checked in and let me know they were there.

• Texted or called or sent cards on each months anniversary of his death for the first year

• Reached out on Valentine’s Day, Easter, his birthday, my birthday, etc.

• Flowers. It’s hard to explain how much having living flowers regularly sent to my house meant. And it always gave me fresh flowers to take to G’s grave.

• Traveled here for his burial and memorial service (two separate things due to Covid- 7 months apart)

• Sent meals and groceries and didn’t ask me to make decisions for what we wanted or needed. Just sent staples and lots of extras- especially at first when family was here

• Cards

• Little care packages or gifts for P

• Didn’t try to cheer me up or find the “bright side” or remind me that Heaven is better for G. Let me know they missed G and hated that he died too.

• Hugs. Tea. Blankets. Coffee. Candles. Chocolate. Acknowledging that gifts are a poor substitute for my husband's presence but that they wanted me to know I was seen and loved and not alone.

• Prayed, prayed, prayed and keep on praying.

• Checked in with me a lot at night. Night is the worst.