G's Birthday

Tomorrow is G's birthday. He would be 36. It's his first birthday in Heaven. It's his first birthday that I won't be celebrating since he turned 20. The first time that I won't make his special birthday cake since 2006.

P started feeling sad and really missing G tonight when we were working through Dad I Miss You (a grief journal for kids). It brought up a lot of feelings for him. We were both feeling sad and upset and I was trying to bring him some comfort and a little empowerment in his grief. So I asked him what he wanted to do to celebrate Daddy's birthday tomorrow.

He said we should decorate with blue and green streamers (G's favorite colors). Decorating our living room for birthdays and other holidays is a big tradition for us - streamers, balloons, hand-made signs, etc. So even though it was bedtime I agreed. He was so excited and it seemed like an important part of his grieving.

We found the streamers plus a yellow and orange balloon (the pink ones were rejected of course for being too girly). We each made signs, we hung up streamers and ribbon, I wrote Happy Birthday Daddy + We love you! + 36 on the balloons. We did a video tour for UN and UT and took pictures. And when we finished, we ate cookie dough ice cream with whipped cream and listened to the soundtrack from P's favorite movie.

After all of that, it was late and I was exhausted but my boy seemed okay. He was happy that we can still decorate for Daddy. I'm so thankful for P for making tonight fun. I love his take on grief. I can go down a really dark spiral of sadness and exhaustion and depression but P reminds me that we can find joy and celebrate in the midst of the difficulty.