Falling in Love

There's nothing quite like falling in love.

I've been going through an album of pictures from college that starts in the very first days of mine and G's relationship. Our first homecoming parade - I don't think we were dating quite yet but maybe we were? It's fuzzy! The first picture we took together to send to his mom.

I look at these pictures and I'm transported back to our sweet, early love. We didn't say I love you until we were engaged. We didn't kiss until we were engaged (and then boy did we! Pretty sure I attacked him with kisses seconds afterward). So our relationship probably looked weird. But it was this sweet, long process of falling in love. Innocent and sweet and just talking and adjusting and enjoying each other.

We were only friends for about a month before we became a couple. We had met the previous Spring and I'll share the story another time but nothing happened until the fall.

On the day G asked if he could "pursue my heart" I heard God almost audibly tell me that he was "the last boy I would say yes to". I had dated in the past for the sake of dating and popularity and hormones and a fun senior year. I didn't want to do that again. This time I wanted to date my spouse. I wanted to save my kisses and my heart.

I've thought over the years that God gave me that assurance because the road would be hard. We were opposites in many ways and yet a perfect match in many others. Madly and deeply in love. Best friends. Two peas in a pod. He was home.

But life would be hard. We would get beat up by it. There would be suffering and anxiety and depression and death hanging over our heads our whole marriage. We would find each other and soon after become aware that we might lose each other. And of course you know the end of the story- I did lose him.

I love going back to these pictures. First dance. First time in Pittsburgh. First time he met my sister. First nephew and first niece. First dance party. First kiss (okay that's not pictured - we were busy!).

Makes my heart swell to remember who he was and who we were. Gosh oh gosh do I miss him. The love of my life. I fell in love at 19. Lost him at 35. But man did I have a sweet (and so hard) 16 years with him. <3