Depression

The depression is starting to hit. I think about doing things like writing a thank you note or making a meal and it feels like I can't lift my arm.

I've been less busy. And I'm realizing that doing less means feeling more.

P and I had a cry together today. We've had a few lately. I think it's good for us.

Read a beautiful picture book that was given to us by a friend: Emily Lost Someone She Loved. I couldn't get through it without crying. Paul cried too. But it was beautiful. It feels good to cry - or at least it feels good after crying.

We both miss G.

It's good to get out of the house. To walk outdoors and do "normal" things.

But I saw some other moms with kids at the botanical garden today and I kept thinking that they are part of the stay-at-home mom crowd - my old crowd. Now I'm in the widow group. I don't get to stay home and have playdates (or at least I won't when reality hits).

I think I need to send P to school in the fall. I can't be mom/dad/teacher/playmate/provider. I can't work full time and give him attention. One more change.

We did look at family pictures and videos tonight and that brought some lightness to my heart.