Being a Caretaker

G's aunt has been suddenly thrust into the caretaking role after her partner went from healthy to terminally ill (aggressive brain cancer) in just one week. The journey they are suddenly on has brought back a lot of memories for me of what it's like to care for someone who is chronically ill.

It is:

exhausting

scary

stressful

overwhelming

frustrating

all-encompassing

life-altering

lonely

helpless

There's no time for self-care. There are lose-lose situations all over the place. You are in over your head. You barely understand. You are making huge decisions with little time to prepare. You are trying to stay positive and keep on keeping on but you feel like giving up or running away.

A lot of times people ask how they can help a caregiver. One way to help is to not ask the caregiver! The last thing they need is to use any brainpower to think of a way to answer your questions.

The things that helped me the most were gestures that were sent my way and I didn't need to do anything to reciprocate or even receive.

Ideas:

cards

care-packages

gift-cards for coffee

visa gift cards for buying meals/snacks/coffee at the hospital

gas gift cards (make sure the gas station is convenient for the caretaker)

taking cars in to get oil changed or repairs and inspections done

watering plants outside

sending flowers

dropping off snacks/fruits/vegetables

a journal and pens for taking notes

baby-sitting

candles

aromatherapy/oil diffuser

blanket & small pillow to use at the hospital

sitting in the waiting room during serious procedures or surgeries

encouraging texts and emails that include a line saying, "no need to respond"

toys/entertainment for kids

coffee and tea

sitting with the loved one so the caretaker can get a break

a new pet toy if the pets are significant to the people

offering to do home repairs or yard work if needed

a meal dropped off outside the door with no need to socialize

None of these things require the caretaker to make an effort. They can just receive. A caretaker is pouring out so much. It makes a world of different to be the one being cared for and thought of by others.