Baby teeth

Since G died, my little guy has lost 2 baby teeth. His little missing-teeth lisp is adorable. Oh how his Daddy would've loved to hear it. He would've taken a huge amount of joy in finding a dollar bill and putting it in the perfect place in P's room so that it was the first thing he saw when he woke up.

My little guy has grown too. And found a new favorite outfit (a costume from his favorite toy character) that he has worn every day since he opened it on Christmas Eve. He feels awesome in it and boy would his Daddy have soaked up every minute of watching him strut around in the same outfit day after day.

I know G doesn't miss us in Heaven. He isn't longing for us, he wouldn't come back if he could. But man do we miss him.

Baby teeth, a growth spurt, a favorite outfit... these are just the first of so many moments that he won't be here to see.

The night G died, P was dry overnight. He's had a few accidents but most nights he's been dry. Every morning when P woke up dry he couldn't wait to tell his daddy who would give him the best, biggest, proudest reaction. My excited reactions always fall short. G's never disappointed.

G's role was to wake P up in the middle of the night to go potty. He'd been doing this every night since this summer. He was so much more patient than me - spending 10 minutes some nights gently coaxing P awake. When G was in the hospital and I had to do it, I would throw in the towel after 2 minutes and just decide it was worth it to wash the sheets in the morning! He was such a good daddy. So patient. So committed to helping P succeed. He would be so proud that P has been dry. I sent G a GroupMe the morning after he died to let him know that P was dry. I just needed to tell him. I know he didn't get it, but it helped me feel like he was here.

Maybe it's God's grace on this exhausted momma that P has been dry most mornings. Maybe it's because he isn't going to sleep until so late at night that he has another chance to go potty before finally falling asleep. I'm grateful. But I really miss when G was here to wake him up. To celebrate his successes. To encourage him that he could do it after a wet night.

I miss my son having a Daddy.