A Pretty Good Day

Today was the first day in a long time that felt like it went pretty good:

• Pancakes for breakfast (P's request)

• Read more of The Grieving Child: A Parent's Guide by Helen Fitzgerald. It is so helpful! A big part of me wishes I'd been reading it since this summer when G was getting sicker. But I don't think I was ready - I did not expect him to die. But it would be a good read for someone whose spouse has a serious or terminal illness. Why don't hospitals offer this kind of support?

• Looking through pictures from the night G died and the viewing with P (his request), including the video G made for P on the day he died. Had a good chat. P shed some tears and said he wished G had been alive for Christmas. I agree.

• Temper tantrum happened but I enforced consequences and things turned around with P's attitude. Yay! Parenting win (thanks to The Grieving Child - which told me P needs boundaries).

• Went on an adventure in the woods, while it snowed! Flurries and exploring are good for this momma and her boy.

• Watching the Inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris over lunch with P and UN and getting to answer all kinds of questions P had about our government.

• A friend watched P for 4 hours today! I have not been alone for 4 hours since.... January 2020?

• Took my first visit to the Memorial Park by myself to visit G. Brought cardboard to sit on and listened to his favorite songs. Finally had a good cry. Walked around looking at gravestones and felt compelled to visit the baby/child section. We are so blessed to have a healthy, living child. Thank you Jesus for P.

• Got stuff done - including taking a huge bag of G's medications to a disposal center. Finally felt ready to get rid of that bag. I kept some - and the pill case he was working through the week he died will probably go in the memory box. I can't part with it. It's so crazy seeing his Saturday morning slot empty but the Saturday night is full because he couldn't swallow and he never took his pills. But he would be glad I threw most of them away. Good riddance to side effects and constant medications. He hated taking those pills. And he's free - whole, alive with Jesus, never needing medicine again.

• Went back to the Memorial Park with P and got to see the solar light that we put by G's grave lit up. It was beautiful. And we took silly pictures at the graveside which is a first. I think it's a sign that some healing is starting to happen for us. We also saw a fox (limping on 3 legs?!?) which is special because we see foxes in our yard and the week G died, he and P saw the fox multiple times in one morning (I think it was the morning before he died - Friday).

All in all, a pretty good day. The first one. Part of me feels wrong admitting that I had a pretty good day. But Jesus doesn't want me to needlessly inflict sorrow and misery on myself. A good day is a gift - not a betrayal of G. G would want us to have good days. He would want us to do silly pictures and see a fox and cry deeply and take a nap. He would want P to spend time with family friends who love him. G always wanted us to thrive. Always wanted the best for us. Self, it is okay to have a good day.