Blue

I'm feeling really down tonight. My heart feels heavy. G would call it "feeling blue".

5 months and two days. Yesterday I sobbed when my friend came over to discuss the dinner we are having for family after his memorial service. The grief hits at weird times.

We have had UN and AA here this week. It's been nice in some ways but having someone who is not him just reminds me of how much I miss HIM. I feel in a funk tonight - but the ones coming home for dinner aren't the ones to hold me and reassure me to help me gain perspective and just give me that big bear hug I loved so much.

And P's been really, really sad. Missing his Daddy a lot. He asked to watch the video G made for him the day he died last night. We hadn't watched it in a while. We both cried.

I want my hubby back. But he's not coming back.

Pizza, oreos, family... all good things. None of which fill the hole he left behind.