DNA

Tomorrow the DNA test kit should arrive.

It's a 50% chance that P inherited ARVD/C from G - the genetic condition that caused his first heart to fail.

10 years ago, genetic testing was pretty limited for this condition and we didn't know what gene had caused it in G. 7 years ago they found the gene. No one else in his immediate family tested positive - it must've been a mutation in just him.

This past week I found out that G was also positive for two variants that they think make the symptoms worse - which would make sense since G's case was a worst-case scenario.

After discussing it with my counselor, I've decided to get P tested. If he's positive, he will develop symptoms eventually and this will help us prepare. If he's negative, I don't have to worry about it.

Gosh do I hope he's negative. Feels weird to pray that he will be since this is something that was determined when he was conceived! So I'm just waiting and trusting (at least trying to) that if it is bad news, God will walk me through each step of the way.

P doesn't know what the testing is for precisely - not that its checking to see if he inherited a heart problem! Just that it will test his DNA (which is a pretty lofty idea for an almost-7 year old!).

I just have a feeling that this saga isn't over. We've been worst case scenario since day one. Feels like God uses suffering - and worst cases- to mold me, constantly. I think I'm assuming P is positive because it protects me from disappointment (though who am I kidding, I will be crushed).

Right now my emotions aren't there. It's just facts that I'm stating. But I know the emotions will come.