My grief was intense today. So intense that I almost texted a friend a message saying that it felt like grief in the beginning. I spent...

Tomorrow is G's birthday. He would be 36. It's his first birthday in Heaven. It's his first birthday that I won't be celebrating since...

I made it. We made it. I feel like there is an ocean of grief under the surface but if you stay busy enough there's no way for it to...

I'm sitting on the bed with candy wrappers next to me having just spent an hour looking up stupid reality TV gossip online. I'm numbing...

It's weird how exhausting grief is. Emotionally and mentally I am just spent. Add to that not sleeping well, dreaming about G and...

Today was rough. So many emotions. So tired of everything and every day being so hard. It hit me at the cardiologist this morning that I...

Tomorrow the DNA test kit should arrive. It's a 50% chance that P inherited ARVD/C from G - the genetic condition that caused his first...

Tonight we came home from a trip to an empty house for the second time. Last time I was unprepared for how hard it would be. This time I...

Tonight I finished a quilt for my son that I made out of G's bandanas. G started wearing bandanas on his head the summer before his...

We went skiing today at the slope in my hometown. I haven't been since I was in middle school and it was P's first time. This was...

The final pine tree near our townhouse was cut down today. G loved those trees. G loved trees. Anything big and mighty and old -...

I constantly feel like I'm failing. As a mom. As a missionary. As a neighbor. As a daughter. As a recipient of gifts and kindness. My...

This morning I heard about another woman who was widowed this week. She works for the same organization as me and has 3 kids. Her...

About a month ago I tried to go to my online Bible study. I thought it would be encouraging to see the other women and hear Truth from...

On teaching my son math. Today was horrible. I cannot homeschool, and be mom, and take care of everything with finances, and look for...

I completed my 4th private school application for my son today. Part of it was a parental review of the child's behavior which included...

Regret is hard. Looking back at the day G died, the week G died, the months before G died, I wish I could change some of the things I...

Tonight will be our first night home alone since G died. UN left this morning and my parents come late tomorrow. Lots of friends are...

The depression is starting to hit. I think about doing things like writing a thank you note or making a meal and it feels like I can't...

Today is our first anniversary after G died - the one month anniversary of his death. I hate that all of our special days and all of our...