The night before G died, we got him comfortable for the first time in at least a week. I had spent much of the previous day on the phone...

I called the hospital's billing department this morning, thinking there was a simple clerical mistake. I had paid a bill - a bill that I...

Thanksgiving. My first one without G since he came with me to Massachusetts in 2006. He had just had his first cardiac arrest,...

My rings. I'm so aware of them lately. My hands tell you that I am married. Unavailable. I have a husband. He is here - present...

I'm always looking for an escape route. When G was sick, it was sometimes denial, sometimes anger, sometimes fantasizing about what life...

This morning, as I spent time reading the Psalms and listening to my favorite podcast - some new perspective came to mind that I felt I...

One of the hardest parts of grief lately is realizing that I have to let go of G. I have to let go of our relationship and the life we...

Grief feels like nausea. A heaviness in my chest. A desire to ignore the obvious: G is gone. Grief is too hard to be faced. So I...

I remember that I ran into my neighbor - I think it was on the way to the hospital or maybe when I was outside on the phone with the...

September 28, 2020 is a day I won't forget. Looking back now, I see it as the beginning of the end. Yes, G had been hospitalized in...

September 19th. 9 months since G died. Over the last two nights when I lay down in bed, I have been flooded with memories of the night...

Today is 8 months since G died. It's been 8 months since he sat across from me at the table where I am sitting now and drank a glass of...

I've thought to myself many times since G died that if I could just understand what happened, I could maybe accept that he's gone. I know...

G loved the 4th of July. Not because he was very patriotic but because he loved fireworks. As a kid, he poured over fireworks catalogs,...

Yesterday, I got a text from my brother-in-law about Arby's. He had just eaten there and thought that maybe G liked Arby's but couldn't...

I had a chance to go on a walk and think for the first time in weeks. And of course I started thinking about G. Gosh have I been missing...

G was chronically ill for over a decade. Really, starting in 2008 we began dealing with quickly worsening, scary health situations. He...

There's nothing quite like falling in love. I've been going through an album of pictures from college that starts in the very first days...

Yesterday, my brother-in-law helped me download over 26,000 pictures onto G's computer from an external hard drive. Over 26,000! I spent...

Today is the 2 month anniversary of G's death. Yesterday I finally was able to back through some of the emails that were sent between me...